#17 For the first time

Amboi, lama dah terbelangkai blog ni. I wanted to write everyday, really. But so many things is happening, its like I almost got no time to catch up things. Some of my friends keep on texting me, calling my phone just to make sure that I'm still alive. Haha sorry guys, I've been drowned in my new world. No worries, its all good :)

So, my classes are going very well, so far. I love the lecturers, they're approachable and easy-going. I'm getting warmer and warmer day by day. I guess it is a good decision for me to continue my studies here. Although, I kinda have sent few of my classmates the wrong vibe about myself. Seems like everyone is excited for me to have a boyfriend right now. Bueeekk! Keep on trying to hook me up with some of the boys. One of my friend's joke ''Imma hook you up cause I'm a hooker.'' Dirty joke but yeah, it is funny. HAHAHA Sorry Matthews, Sze Yung, and Deric for all the troubles. 

Though I find this one guy to be extremely cute. Yes, he's so cute. He once played for Chelsea youth club. He's so shy, so I find it hard for me to talk to him. Haha :3 Let's call him Annoying A. Yes, his name also starts with initial A. Jodoh tu ehemmm >.< Too bad, he's three years younger than me. Takpelah, its not like I wanna date him or something kan. I just think that he's cute, that's all.

Back to the title for this post ''For the first time'', I decided to post something about my firsts. I was thinking of doing this post cause some of my friends were asking about some firsts of my life. So, I thought of giving it a try. Hehee! Okay, here we go!

1. First kiss- Noooo. Except for my family,I've never kissed anyone before. I mean, guys lah (yes, I'm straight although I might have shown a bit interests in pretty women)

2. First celebrity crush - The ultimate Johnny Depp <3 I totally love him! With his undeniably great acting skills, he has managed to melt my heart millions of times. Awhh man, he's like the hottest guy above 40. Haha yeah, he's kinda old but who cares? He kicks ass, that's for sure. Yeah Channing Tatum, I'm saying that Johnny Depp is so much hotter than you!

3. First boyfriend - He's not someone worthy, I can tell you that. Haha I don't know how did I end up being together with him but I did. I think he's the worst boyfriend I could ever get. Cheated on me, ended up blaming me for his wrongdoing. I'm glad I was the one who wanted to end our relationship. Yeah fat boy, I'm over you since ages. So, stop texting me and stop behaving like we're close everytime we see each other.

4. First breakup - Haha cause I was so stupid during that time, yeah I cried. A lot actually. Takpelah, learn from our stupid mistakes and move on jelah. Maybe pasal ni kot aku jadi heartless? Hihii

5. First rejection - Hmmm sebab this is humiliating, I will only tell you guys brief detail on how it happened. Hekk xD It happened when I was in form one and that guy was in form four. I did see him again, few times cause he's working at his uncle's restaurant near my house. And no, I have no feelings for him anymore. If I ever told anyone about crushing on him again, its definitely a joke. As for me, a relationship that didn't end well before, will never have a happy ending. Exes should not and cannot be friends. Exception for a few people, if ada lah kan. Its hard to be friends with your exes without breaking any boundaries, believe me.

Tu je kot for now. Haha running out of ideas. Ahh, should stop writing now. I gotta do some other things. Not to forget, my deepest condolences to William Yau's family. May he rest in peace. Be well and be safe. For the guys, always be alert and make sure the safety of your family, and yourself, especially. For the girls, let's start signing up for martial arts classes. Maybe learn taekwando or judo or karate so that at least, we can protect ourselves when we face inevitable situations. Hiyaaah! Ciao!

#16 Hectic week.

Hello! :)

It has been a rather hectic week this week. I've gone through 3 days of orientation and it was great! We did lots of jumping and running during the time, I almost burned all my extra calories. Ahakss :P  I've also got so many new friends. I'm actually feeling good about this cause I was worried I won't get any friends here cause I'm a Malay girl. But, I was totally wrong. All the guys and girls are actually quite nice, once you know them. And I've actually got my own clique;- Matthews, Thiru, Sze Yung, Darric, Teck, Rekhi, Netusya, and few others. Yeah, most of them are guys but who cares? I'm comfortable with them and they're cool with me despite our differences. which makes them much cooler.

 We spent most of the time together, and as we're taking the same course, so we've decided to just stick together, no matter what. I told my parents about them and they just laughed when I told them I couldn't find any suitable Malay friends though I'm not the only Malay there. There's this one Malay girl who came to me and wanted to hang with me. She's 19 but damn it, she acts like she's 14. To be honest, I'm glad she's switching to another class cause I just won't get along with her. She allows people to influence her so easily, it's like she doesn't even have her own opinion. And she always thinks negative and useless things such as going to see movies, shopping and having fun and not wanting to study, which makes it worse. Plus, she does all the crappy girl thingy too much, I find it hard for me to control my temperament whenever she's around. Complaining and sobbing about little things, I literally clapped when she told me she's switching classes. Hekhek

I'm not being mean, if that's what you guys think. I just want to study without any distractions with people who wants to study. I already wasted my one precious year, so wasting another year is definitely a no-no for me. If she wants to fool around, then that's her choice, got nothing to do with me. I'm here to study and pass all the exams, so its better if she not around. 

On the other hand, in Brickfields, it's actually kinda hard to find a good and halal place to eat. Fortunately, the KL Sentral is so close to my college and the place have a mini-shop, so I can just buy some bread if I want to eat before my classes. Gosh, many thing's happening, and I may be spending less time on the internet. But it's a good sign, considering that the internet is taking most of my time right now. So peeps, hope you guys enjoy your weekend as I'll be enjoying my weekend with workshops at my college. Yeayyy (Y) Live long  and prosper!

#15 It's time to start over.

It's coming! The day I've waited patiently for so long is finally arriving. I'm going back to school! :DD Haha, I'm feeling so nervous yet, excited for tomorrow to come. I'll be using my brain again, finally. Thank you Allah for listening, even when I'm astray. Hopefully, it's gonna be worth it. I'll make it worth, I will.

Not to forget, thanks to my friends for their huge support and for sharing my happiness on this matter. Sorry for being so secretive, but I just don't think it's necessary for me to tell. If I've offended some of you guys, I'm truly sorry. I just want to make sure that I don't make a fuss about this or else, I'll be facing a huge embarrassment if somehow, I failed. Nauzubillah, minta dijauhkan sangat-sangat T.T So, let's put aside unimportant things and pray for me. Hehe k over.

As for my twitter crush, thanks for the moral support you've given me so far. 

''Don't let someone else take the right of your own self definition. The road to success is always bumpy and trying to reach to your dreams is never an easy task. Take note, you will be tested.''

 Yeah, you influenced me so much right now, so stay cool and brilliant, pretty please! I'm not saying I like you, I'm saying that you gave me something to think about, and something worth thinking about. So, I give you a million of applause for being so awesome. I'm glad you exist :') That's it for now, I guess. Gonna hit the bed right now. So, keep on dreaming and the stars will dream with you :) Adios amigos!

#14 Underestimated and unappreciated.

Hi, depression's talking right now. I'm just so sad and pathetic. Sigh, its been only two days since I started my new year resolutions which one of em is to actually feel better about myself and I'm totally failing. I don't know what to say....

My family has been known as the kind of family that values good education, self-discipline and great self- achievement. Unfortunately, I think I'm the dumbest in my family. So, I have to really work hard to achieve something, like really hard. Whilst my other siblings seems to be enjoying their works and studies pretty well, I'm struggling to even achieve something that would make my parents feel proud of me. I've never really showed them any astonishing achievements since my primary and secondary levels. I'm nothing like my lil brother who got straight A's for his pmr last year, or my big brother who got 11 A's for his spm in 2009. So yeah, I pretty much have nothing to be proud of.

Plus, my twin is so much better than me. She's prettier, smarter and she has all the attention from people around her, kinda. I'm so jealous of her, always have been. But she's the nicest, I think. Whenever I'm feeling down cause others would always make fun of me, she's there for me. And I thank her for that. We often treat each other badly, surely. But it doesn't change the fact that she's my big sister and she has always been there helping me to get up whenever I'm falling and guiding me whenever I'm lost. I know, I always make her angry with my actions and words and I've never really told her that I love her, but really, she's part of my world. She listens to my problems, secrets I've never told anyone and she helps me whenever I'm having allergic attacks.

To be honest, it hurts my self-esteem to see how she can achieve things so easily, learn things so fast. It's like I'm the black sheep of the family. But that's okay cause she deserves it. I just think that a lil bit of support and appreciation from my family won't hurt. Don't get me wrong though. My parents has always been there for me. Aku cuma harapkan kata semangat je dari adik beradik yang lain. Takde kata semangat, diamkan diri pun cukup sebenarnya, asalkan takde kata-kata yang buat aku rasa rendah diri bila bercakap dengan diorang. sigh. What to do? I lack so many things compared to my sister. Takpelah, how can people love you if you don't even love yourself kan? Keep calm and be strong. Allah is always here for me.

#13 The ultimate self realization.

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, I'm back. With more boring posts and not-so-interesting stories. Sebenarnya, aku dah lama tinggalkan blog ni. But then, my new crush on twitter ehem :3 always keeps his blog updated so rasa tercabar pulaks. Hahaha XD Its okay, sekali-sekala aku bukalah blog ni tulis pape. 

Oh yeah, its 2013 already! Yeayy hooraayy! Lots of bad things had happened in 2012, so baguslah dah jadi kenangan lama. I've made a few new years resolutions, its lame but I don't care.

New Year Resolutions ;-

• To be a better person (this includes everything)
• To feel better about myself ;- I'm trying to get rid of my low self-esteem. Bahaya tau bila self-esteem ni rendah sangat, macam bebal dah aku rasa.
• To work harder and harder (a must do resolution sebab aku dah jadi pemalas tahap beruang sob sob T_T)
• To improve myself as I lack lots of things such as cooking skills, learning new stuffs etc. 
• To treat people nicer and better (aku baik tapi takpelah, baikkan lagi diri ni. Ehem)
• Less drama and lovey-dovey stuff ;- I really got no time for these kinda things now.

Harapan aku ialah aku dapat buat semua ni. Mungkin tak dapat buat tapi cuba jelah. Amboi, belum buat dah ada negative thoughts -___-'' Gambatte! Dasar pemalas betul den ni.

So, why is this post called the ultimate self realization? Lately, I've been through lot of things, good things and bad things. Things happens, and we don't have the power to stop it from happening, we just have to control the way we react.

Last year, I bumped into my first ex when I went to the mall to buy some groceries with my twin. He realized I was there and he kinda waited for us to meet up at the front entrance, I guess. When I finished buying things, I quickly walked towards my car, hoping that I won't see him. As it happened, he was there at the entrance, waving at me and my twin happily. And what did I do? I did nothing. I didn't feel the need to wave at him back, and I certainly didn't want to see him again, so I looked at him pretending as if we didn't know each other and kept on walking. My twin said that he was pretty sad.

At that time, I felt great. I have to admit, it feels great whenever you get to know you're stronger than a person who once have done something horrible to you. To let him know that I don't care or I'm not affected by his actions at all, really meant something.

So, this is my definition of the ultimate self realization ;- you've gotta learn to love yourself, much much more before you start to love other people. People come and go, the only person that stay is yourself. So, appreciate yourself and start doing something that makes you happy. Stop hurting yourself and start living your life. Life's too short to spend it too much for other people. So peeps, live long and prosper (Y)

#12 Hi twinnie...... don't read my blog!

Semua orang asyik tanya, siapa kembar aku. So I've decided to post a picture of her. Enjoy.......

Hai, nama saya temok. Saya suka makan XD